Welcome to another installment of Starshemp Remembers, our way of honoring Starshempers who have gone on to the great big Green Room in the sky. 

Our last post of this kind was on Dom Delouise, God rest his moderately-talented soul. The day we posted about our man Dom, we heard from Keith Cartwright. Now, Keith is far more handsome, talented, handsome, funny, well-dressed, and handsome than most folks - and he’s also quite successful at making the advertisements - but despite all that he still manages to cultivate a laid-back, Starshemp attitude and lifestyle. When it’s 5 o’clock in the afternoon, Keith is looking for the exits. He believes, like we do here at Starshemp, that if you can’t get your work done between 9 and 5, you’re doing something wrong. We consider Keith a friend, so when he suggested we add Nipsey Russell to our Starshemp Remembers roster, we were all over it. 

And by all over it, we mean it took us a couple of weeks to go from “Oh, yeah! Nipsey!” to this post you’re reading. We don’t like to get in a big hurry around here. We let things marinate a bit before we act on them. Take a few deep breaths, let an idea really settle in. It’s our way. Plus, we figured ol’ Nipsey wasn’t going anywhere, because, you know…

So, in the spirit of all things pretty good, this week Starshemp Remembers Nipsey Russell.

Comedian Julius “Nipsey” Russell was best known for his appearances as a panelist on game shows from the 1960s to the 1990s. Shows like Match Game, Password, Hollywood Squares, To Tell The Truth, and Pyramid. Now, make all the fun you want of a man who made his living starring on bad game shows, but keep this in mind; he had a 30-year career. 30 years of steady work in Hollywood. Find someone else who’s had that kind of consistency. There are maybe 5 or 10 other people. Like we say, flying just below the ‘B’ level is the best way to fly. You never make too many enemies, and you do well enough without all the pressure and baggage of being really great. 

You know how we feel here at Starshemp, folks; you can ride the bench for a very long time. If you insist on making the effort required to get into the starting lineup, go ahead. We’ll be here for you when you blow out your knee and end up back with us riding the pine. Our suggestion? Stick with the bench. It’s comfy, it’s mellow, it’s friendly, and there’s no better view of the game. Let the go-getters do all the work and sustain all the career-threatening injuries. You just lay back and let the glory come your way nice and slow. Nipsey rode the bench to a 30-year career in the vicinity of the spotlight. Not a bad way to go.

Nipsey’s game show appearances were distinguished by his big, toothy grin - to say nothing of his flawlessly tended hair - and by the short, humorous poems he would recite during the broadcast. These poems became so closely associated with Russell that other game show regulars took to calling him the “poet laureate of television.”

We’d like to share a couple of Nipsey Russell classics, because with the world in the shape it’s in right now, who among us couldn’t use a little nip of Nipsey? (You like that? A nip of Nipsey? We’re a moderately clever bunch here at Starshemp.)

“If you ever go out with a schoolteacher, 

You’re in for a sensational night;

She’ll make you do it over and over again,

Until you do it right.”

Oh, baby. Really fairly good stuff. Just funny enough.

“Each day we turn another page.

You know you’re reaching middle age,

When your pimples and your rashes,

Turn to wrinkles and hot flashes.”

Kind of a little bit outstanding. It’s reflective, it’s thoughtful, and it ends by making fun of menopause. All the elements that make for great poetry.

Nipsey also had something of a film career, playing a leading role in the film version of “The Wiz”. And he was, like our old friend Dom Delouise, a frequent guest on Dean Martin’s Celebrity Roasts. What is it about Deano’s celebrity roasts and Starshemp-level talent?

(Also - and this is a little known fact - Nipsey once paid a rather forward compliment to the uncle of one of the Starshemp founders. Told the founder’s uncle that he “had a beautiful face.” Hmm.)

He was never the funniest, but he was good enough to crack a smile or two. No big belly laughs, just a nice, satisfying, non-threatening chuckle. To us, he’ll always be the center square.

Pop culture may forget you, Nipsey. But Starshemp never will. 

cw

As a way to further cement the Starshemp Ethos – and help those of you out there looking to enjoy life rather than just endure it – we thought we’d start to tackle what we see as the roadblocks to living an easy-going, Starshemp lifestyle. Things you may be doing without even realizing it.

And one of those is hurrying.

Starshemp is based in New York City, which is a fine and exciting place to live, but could rightly be called the world center of hurrying. Hurrying is a New York City pastime. And while hurrying is by no means an issue that’s exclusive to NYC or urban areas – we’re looking at you, insane drivers of the Keystone State – if you edge your way up to any street corner in the city you’ll see that as soon as the coast is clear for crossing, it’s like some sort of bourgeois jail break, everyone just hauling ass to the other side. As if free ice cream or lovemaking or naptime waited for them over there.

All over the city right now, there are hundreds of unspoken foot races going on, people pretending they’re not trying to race each other down the sidewalk when that’s exactly what they’re doing. And man, talk about bringing the stress on yourself needlessly.

Because what’s waiting for us on the other side of the street? What are you hurrying down the freeway or the sidewalk to get to? Work. And that’s the problem. Get yourself all clammy from foot racing your way across town, only to arrive at the office 10 minutes early so that you can work more. Well that, friends, is no way to live. Hurrying like that reeks of desperation and an over-eagerness to please, and there’s nothing about being over-eager or reeking of desperation that makes you look cool or attractive.

Think of it like you’re heading out to try and meet some lovely ladies – or mens – on the town. There’s not a lovely lady anywhere who wants a hurried, clammy, over-eager guy reeking of desperation all up on her. Not initially, at least. And in truth, your employer is no different. Cool and mellow is much more attractive, no matter the context.

See, as easy-going individuals ourselves, we at Starshemp have a hard time figuring out why anyone would want to hurry to work. The idea of dashing out of your home in a huff – leaving behind your significant other or your kids or your cat or your dog or your refrigerator – seems ridiculous. Presumably, home is a place you like to hang out. That’s why you spend the weekends there. Trust us when we tell you that your work will still be there waiting for you when you arrive, so take it slow. Aside from lovemaking and beach volleyball, there’s really nothing that’s worth getting all clammy about.

Now, to be fair, there are a few scenarios where hurrying makes sense. We’ve listed several below. Think of them as a guide to whether you need to be in a hurry or not. Hurrying is permitted if:

1. You are a fireman, and something is on fire.

2. You yourself are on fire.

3. Your water has broken.

4. You have an 11am appointment to have a pacemaker implanted, and it’s 10:45.

5. You’re being chased by a large dog that you’ve angered somehow.

6. Pinkberry is giving away free Fro-Yo.

7. The line at Shake Shack is only 15 minutes long.

Unless your situation is somehow reflective of the above, you might as well take it slow. Ease around, check out the sights, maybe work on a strut to individualize your stride and help you pass the time. We here at Starshemp prefer a modified George Jefferson with a half hitch and a little hop at the end. Feel free to use it yourself.

Trust us when we tell you that being punctual or early is a completely overrated personal experience. It just means more work, and will likely not get you out of the office any earlier. Strolling along nice and easy working on your strut while everyone around you races toward the office in a frothy panic is infinitely more rewarding.

If anyone asks you why you take it so slow, why you seem to be so free and happy and easy going – so Starshemp-like – on your way to work, just tell them – with a big happy grin – that work will wait. Because it will. And not only will taking such an attitude help you become cool and easy-going, it will keep you young, supple, and beautiful, just like the gang here at Starshemp. 

Take it easy out there, folks. It’ll all come to you if you just let it.

Hope this helps. 

cw

You may remember last week we ran a Starshemp Salutes post about Brazil. If you need a little refresher, ease on over there to the Starshemp Salutes button and check it out. We think you’ll find it mildly entertaining.

We talked at some length about how we adore Brazil for their extraordinary national pride and their mystifying place on the international stage despite the fact that mostly what they produce is flip flops, bikini waxing techniques, massive half-naked parties, and men in Speedos. We love us some Brazil. They’re Starshemp to the core. Don’t work too hard, don’t do all that much, and then celebrate the hell out of it. Good, good stuff.

And though we didn’t need any further proof that Brazil is hilarious and absolutely worthy of their Starshemp Salute, this little nugget came to us through the internets this morning, like a sunny, you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me bolt out of the blue. A little warmth on a cool, rainy New York Friday, from the folks at viceland.com. (A quick tour around viceland makes us think the hipsters might be the Starshemp-est people in the world. Perhaps a post on that at some point in the future. Stay tuned.)

http://www.viceland.com/int/v16n5/htdocs/famous-for-having-an-ass-869.php 

Huzzah, Brazil. We are in your debt. If you could see us now, you’d see we’re giving you a hearty round of applause. The fact that this sort of thing is a source of national pride is almost unreal in its Starshemp-ness. Things are tense globally these days with the bad economy and what-not, and the world needs you and your ba-donka-donk national pride now more than ever. 

Keep on reaching for the sky. Or the, you know, whatever.

cw

You may notice, as you make your way through your day, that you’re approached from time to time with questions that you sort of know the answer to, but not really. And this can be troubling. You want to help the asker – they sought you out, after all – and you want to look like you know what you’re talking about. But often you’re caught up a bit short on the ol’ book learning.

Well, we at Starshemp are familiar with this problem, and we think we can help you out.

See, the truth is, knowing all the answers would take a tremendous amount of work. And if there’s anything we at Starshemp want to help you avoid, it’s tremendous amounts of work. There are much MUCH better ways to spend your time than working. Work should be way down on your list after things like snoozing, lunching, break-taking, strolling, love-making, hooky-playing, tickling, skinny-dipping (skinny anything, really) leaving the office early, coming into the office late, sitting in the sun…you get the picture.

Anyway, here’s the Starshemp approach to take when presented with a question you sort of know the answer to, but not really; Answer quickly and with authority. Now, both elements are key. Answering quickly but sheepishly doesn’t work at all. And answering with authority after a long, seemingly endless and terribly uncomfortable pause is only useful if you want everyone to hate you a lot.

So make it quick and authoritative. Don’t worry if your information is 100% correct. Unless someone is asking a question like “Does this wound look infected to you?” or “Is it safe to serve chicken medium rare?” or “Do you think this is a load-bearing wall?” the veracity of the answer itself is probably not all that important. It’s the actual providing of it that matters. And answering quickly and with authority allows you to provide, whether you actually know what you’re talking about or not.

Some examples follow:

Q: How do breath mints work?

A: They flush the bad stuff out of your saliva and replace it with freshness.

Q: Why are low-profile tires better?

A: They provide less rolling-resistance and therefore better gas mileage.

Q: Why do some parents give all their kids names that start with the same letter?

A: Because they see their children as interchangeable rather than individual.

Q: Why do you think short-shorts are back in style for women?

A: Because Santa Claus got my letter.

See? It’s easy, folks. We really have no idea if those answers are right or not, and that’s not the point. Answer quickly and with authority, and you’ll be thought of as a useful resource without having to do a lot of work. And really, searching around for the exact right answer when all people really want is acknowledgement of their question is a huge waste of your time and energy. Instead, put that time and energy into something useful like figuring out how to take a nap at the office or sneaking out early to play with your kids. You’ll be glad you did.

cw

Sometimes an actor or athlete or politician passes on to the ol’ Green Room in the sky and is largely forgotten in the annals of pop culture. We think that’s because, in a world obsessed with being the best, they were merely good enough.

But we at Starshemp happen to think that merely good enough is still pretty darn good. And really, at the end of the day (a day that hopefully ends at 5:30pm sharp,) being the best is way more work than you want to do, and will only lead you to feel that you’ve somehow still not done enough. That’s the funny thing about being in the lead; there’s nothing out ahead of you to tell you when to stop.

In contrast, satisfying yourself with doing just enough – the Starshemp Way – will keep you young and beautiful, relatively employed, and will give the people you work for a reasonable idea of what they can expect from you.

So in the spirit of being pretty darn good if not really all that great, we remember the recently departed Dom Delouise in the first of our “Starshemp Remembers” memorial postings. 

The ursine Dom Delouise (you like that? Ursine? It means bear-like,) was an actor, comedian, film director, television producer, chef, and author. Never too great at any one thing, he had a mildly distinguished career – is there any better way to be distinguished than mildly? – that lasted far longer than most of his Hollywood contemporaries. 

He gained fame as a regular guest on the Dean Martin Show in the late 60’s, and was a frequent member of the dais on the old Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts. The dais is the part of the stage where you’re seated facing the audience at what looks like a long, one-sided dining table. You end up being, if not a presenter yourself, sort of a naughty comedic Greek chorus there to shout out random jokes and retorts. Which sounds like a hell of a lot of fun to us. None of the pressure of being the lead presenter, you can just sit back and wait for the opportunity to just lob in a well-timed joke, rope in a few laughs for yourself. Plus, you get a free dinner.

He enjoyed an easy, natural on-screen chemistry with Burt Reynolds – who is a Starshemper himself, though if all that god-awful plastic surgery he’s ruined his handsome mug with is any indication, he would probably disagree – on many motion pictures. Box office hits such as The Cannonball Run, Cannonball Run II, Smokey and the Bandit II, The End, All Dogs Go to Heaven and The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

So, with all those hits on his resume, why is the late Dom Delouise Starshemp-worthy?  Well, because he was funny, but never really an A-lister. He worked at it, he was eager, his heart was in the right place. But no matter what he did, he was never going to be Dean Martin. Which, if you ask us, isn’t such a bad thing. Ol’ Deano seemed less than happy to us, what with all the heavy boozing and Frank Sinatra sycophancy.

We’ll miss you, Dom Delouise. It was good just knowing you were around if we needed a bit of a chuckle. Nothing too hilarious, no sidesplitting guffaws, just an easygoing chortle.

Eventually pop culture may forget you. But we at Starshemp never will.

cw

Here at Starshemp, we like to give helpful pointers on dealing with the thorny situations that arise in our lives. We take things pretty easy around here, and we want to help you do the same.

One issue that’s been thorny for some time now is real estate. It’s an exhausting topic. And it seems like every morning Barbara Corcoran, a woman blessed with that rare combination of real estate savvy and longshoreman-like vocal delivery, is on the Today Show telling you that you can get a better, cheaper house somewhere other than where you live (Here’s a perfect little 4-bedroom home in Council Bluffs, Iowa! Which is, you know, somewhere!).

Or Suze Orman, history’s most insufferable human being ever in the history of ever, is yelling at you that you need to refinance. And if you don’t you’re lazy, you’re a moron, you’re missing out on the best opportunity of your financial life – my god! – and furthermore you’re ignoring the advice of Suze Orman and nothing upsets Suze Orman more than people ignoring Suze Orman.

Makes you wonder why the morning news shows are trying to make you even more miserable about this stuff than you already are. We hear you, folks, and we don’t know. It sure seems like a strange thing to be doing to your viewers first thing in the morning, but then so does Kathy Lee Gifford, and she keeps getting work. (We prefer to watch recorded episodes of “The Simpsons” in the morning, because doing so just makes us feel good about stuff. Thank you, DVR.)

And maybe all this fear-mongering has finally worked on you, and you’re convinced that the best thing to do is move. But trust us when we tell you that halfway through the process, when your “Man With A Van” turns out to be “4 Albanians Demanding $100 An Hour Per Man Or You’re Not Getting Nice Furnitures Back, Yes?” you’ll be wishing you’d just muted Suze Orman (oh, man, if only…) and stayed put.

All this trying to game the real estate system will just wear you out. The news about the value of your apartment or house is, in all likelihood, not very good. So we say ignore it. Blissful ignorance is still blissful when it comes right down to it. And here at Starshemp, we’d much rather be blissfully ignorant than miserably well-informed.

Want a good, cheap form of therapy? Turn off the news every now and then. It’s like magic. 

Switch off Barbara Corcoran and her fabulous homes in random places. Then lay back and get your chill on. The market will swing back, and when it does, you just make sure you’re good and rested.

cw

Recently, we at Starshemp came across a group of people who can only be considered, from our point of view, heroic. Trenders. People who study the movement of trends in the marketplace and the culture. They’re not trendsetters, they’re trend watchers. And somehow they’ve made a business out of it. And for that, we think they’re pretty awesome.

Just this last weekend, we read an article that quoted the Head Trender – or Head Trendologist, or Executive in Charge of Reading Juxtapoz Magazine And Picking The Brains Of Their Teenage Nieces And Nephews Then Presenting Those Ideas As If They Came Up With Them On Their Own – at a place called OMd, which, if my cursory research is correct, used to be an “advertising agency,” whatever the hell that is.

Anyway, this Head Trend Spotter Person was quoted as saying that one trend she’d isolated was “inconspicuous travel.” Basically she was saying that in a recession like the one we’re in, people don’t like to be too showy in the way they travel and the places they go. And we must tell you, we at Starshemp were absolutely floored by this observation.

Not by the insight – because come on, folks, any person with the common sense God gave turnip greens could tell you that people are being less conspicuous in all areas of their lives right now – but by the fact that this industry exists at all, that people like this Head of Trendology are taken seriously, are evidently paid good money to master – and package – the obvious. It gives us tremendous hope for the spread of the Starshemp way of doing things.

Because this is exactly the kind of thing we’re talking about here at Starshemp. Let someone else do the work of setting the trends – the hard work – then you just wake up at 10:30 in the morning, shake off the ol’ hangover, tell Brad or Steve or Pablo or whatever his name is to put on his pants and get the hell out of your apartment, shower but don’t wash your hair (not washing your hair is SO trendy right now,) pick up some reliably cool magazines on the way into the office (some suggestions for those of you looking to rise to the top of the trending industry: Blackbook, City, Fantastic Man, Tokion, Wallpaper, Monocle, really anything in the section in which you find these titles,) then put what you’ve read into a power point presentation and, voila!

You’re done. You’re a trender. Seems too easy, right? Well, Starshempers, sometimes the good stuff is. Sometimes the best ideas are just staring you right in the face. Think you have your pulse on the latest things? Do you like reading cool magazines? Got thecoolhunter.net bookmarked on your laptop? Know several well-informed people in their early 20s who don’t mind hanging out with you? Then you’re in business.

Well, we’re going on record as saying we love trending. Because it’s Starshemp to the core. A great way to show up and share in the glory of someone else’s hard work. And why not? If there are people out there who are so terrified of their own irrelevance that they’re willing to pay someone to tell them that the blatantly obvious is, in fact, true, then why not let them?

Trenders, we are in your debt. Your ability to exploit the work of others for your own financial and professional gain is something we at Starshemp are in awe of. We’re sorry we didn’t come up with the idea ourselves.

Keep up the good work, if you can call it that.

cw

STARSHEMP SALUTES: BRAZIL!

Man, do we ever love us some Brazil here at Starshemp. And as the weather is warming here in the Northeast and our favorite blue Havaiana flips are becoming our regular footwear of choice, we thought it was only right to salute our Portuguese-speaking neighbors to the south.

We love Brazil for a number of reasons, but mostly we love what a Starshemp kind of place it is. Because, let’s all be honest here, Brazil really doesn’t do all that much. And that’s exactly why we’re so crazy about them. That’s why every 4 years when the World Cup of Soccer rolls around, suddenly every hipster in New York City is walking around in a Brazil jersey. “No way, dude. I’ve ALWAYS been a Brazil fan. Since, you know, Pele and shit.”

Now, sure, we’ve heard all this business about the BRIC countries – Brazil, Russia, India and China – being the next big things economically, but we really can’t figure out what Brazil is doing to make the list. We could probably research it out, but why? We don’t need convincing on Brazil. We’re thrilled to see them listed as one of the next big things. Because whatever they’re selling – whether it’s Havaianas, Coconut Juice, Carnival, a bikini-waxing technique that makes women look and act like porn stars, or their casual approach to the crushing, desperate poverty that’s all around them – we’re buying.

For a little contrast, just look at China, another country on the BRIC list, and one of the most powerful and feared nations on earth. As those of us who have been to China can tell you, it’s a lot of things, but a barrel of laughs isn’t one of them. It’s about as much fun as you might expect a communist country of 1.3 billion people hell-bent on global domination would be. Which is to say, you know, they could stand to loosen up a tad.

And the thing is, for all their hard work, China just seems miserable. They’ve worked their asses off, they’re feared by everyone from the World Bank to the Japanese to the US, and still it’s not enough. They’re in the lead! But you know what we say here at Starshemp. The lead isn’t all its cracked up to be. If it was, China would be the happiest place on earth. (Along with the US which seems to be the world center for overworking, resentment and misery right now. WHEEE!) If the entire course of human history is any reasonable guide, being in the lead seems to bring out the worst in people and peoples.

But Brazil…oh, baby. They don’t seem to be worried about much of anything. They’re just too good-looking and too busy having fun. They refuse to let their desperate circumstance get them down. We’ve never been to Carnival, but it looks like the wildest, sexiest party in the world. A bunch of tanned, toned people just celebrating the hell out of celebrating. Loving the warmth and the music and the boobies. And who can argue with that? Not Starshemp.

So we salute – and take a lesson from – Brazil. Lets be a little more like our neighbors to the south, shall we? The sun’s shining, it’s Havaiana season, go find a hammock somewhere in the breeze and enjoy it.

Sure it’s a recession and maybe the value of your house is dropping and your employer has an itchy firing finger and he keeps passing by your desk to ask what you’re working on and he seems to have forgotten your name. But as you know, there will always be things in your life that are less than perfect, things that are beyond your control no matter how hard you try.

So be like Brazil and make the best of it. Go enjoy yourself anyway. The bank and your employer can’t come take away your joy. Not unless you let ‘em.

cw

Here at Starshemp, we like to provide you with interesting bits of trivia – Starshemp Knowledge – from time to time. Facts that are mildly interesting and that may or may not be of any use to you at some point in the future. If you’re at a bar or a dinner party, throwing around the knowledge, you can break out one of these random little facts, and everyone will regard it with mild surprise, be relatively interested in it for a moment, and then move on. Nothing so earth-shattering that you spend the rest of the evening under the eager, high-beam glare of your dinner mates as they wait hungrily for more of your priceless bon mot – that’s way more pressure than you need when you’re trying to relax at dinner.

So in that spirit, here’s a little something you can use.

When The Doors recorded the song “L.A. Woman”, Jim Morrison recorded his vocals while sitting on the toilet and drinking 3 cases of beer. Which is really very Jim Morrison, if you think about it. In high school, a time in life when everyone is an idiot for 3 or 4 years, we all thought Jim Morrison was a tortured genius. Then we grew up and realized he was just a poor man’s Robert Pinsky. Far from being a tortured genius, he was really more the kind of guy who recorded vocal tracks while getting drunk on the can, or punctuating a story at a nice dinner party by whipping it out and taking a piss in a wine glass. Must’ve been a million laughs having that guy around.

Anyway, we wish we knew the brand of beer as that could present some pretty exciting “branding” opportunities – you like that? Branding? We know some marketing lingo – but we simply aren’t sure.  We could research it, but that seems like a lot of trouble. If someone presses you on the matter, just fire out some random brand. Unless you’re talking to Ray Manzarek, who’s going to know the difference? (By the way, look for a post in the near future on the matter of “Answering Confidently and Quickly Rather Than Factually”. It promises to be a good one.) Here are a few random brands from that era to choose from: Old Milwaukee, Iron City, Falstaff, Wiedemann, Schmidt’s, Billy Beer, Goebel Golden, Mustang Premium, Hudepohl Gold, Black Horse, Regal, Old Shay Golden Crème.

Hope that helps.

cw

Summer is, by nature, a little more lazy and easy going than the rest of the year. We like to think of it as the Starshemp season. Everything slows down a bit. Vacations are planned. Sometimes you take lunch on a nice Friday and just never come back to the office.

At Starshemp, we say playing a little hooky can be good for you. It shows you have your priorities straight. Work to live, not the other way around. Far from being proponents of burning the midnight oil, we’re not even sure what the hell the midnight oil is. Nor do we wish to find out. Whatever it is, we feel certain it holds no charms for us.

Which brings to mind a “status update” we received from one of our Facebook friends. This particular friend is in the Magazine Business. Now, we’re as stunned as the rest of you to learn that there continues to be a Magazine Business, but we’re glad to still have them around. We find the whole bunch kind of quaint and charming, like a crazy old uncle who regularly forgets his pants, tells war stories of a war he was never in, and blames his not inconsiderable flatulence on his long-suffering wife.

Anyway, our magazine publishing friend’s status read that she was preparing, excitedly, for summer Fridays. Now, for those of you who don’t work in Magazine/Publishing or Advertising, summer Fridays are basically where you get your Fridays off between Memorial Day and Labor Day. And they were typical of the Advertising and Magazine Businesses back before the Internets killed them both to death.

Summer Fridays were a time for upper management to race off to the beach and/or country house, and for writers, art directors and editors to make a few extra AA meetings or trips to the methadone clinic. All in all, a rewarding and relaxing time.

And having dabbled in both businesses ourselves, we admit we were surprised and delighted to hear that the Magazine Business was still rewarding itself with some extra paid vacation time.

The Ad business – a business run by cowards, deviants, the criminally insane, and people from England – saw the inevitable end of the good times years ago and just killed Summer Fridays altogether. (Along with hope, as it turns out.)

Well, we say – you go, Magazine Business! Don’t let the gathering darkness that you are no doubt feeling working in a business that’s about to simply cease to exist stop you! We should all be taking a little extra time off to enjoy some summer sunshine, no matter our circumstances. Spend time with the family. Sleep late, relax, leave all those worries behind, get the ol’ resume in working order. And hell, if the Magazine Business can do it, we can all do it.

Furthermore, here at Starshemp we can envision no more powerful statement, no gutsier way to throw down the gauntlet and say “Here’s what I think of your ‘the magazine/newspaper industry is being hurled into irrelevance so quickly we can’t even keep up with the carnage, oh, for the love of God THE CARNAGE!!’ refrain” than taking 3 straight months of long weekends. What a bold, unexpected way to show the world that you’re not going down without a hard-fought, focused and determined fight, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your weekends in Sag Harbor. That’s balls, Magazine Business. Big, huge, crazy balls.

We at Starshemp feel that we can all learn a lot from the Magazine Business. They’re a Starshemp-like group if there ever was one. Time off for some serious relaxing first, everything else second. 

We’re sure as hell going to miss them when they’re gone.

cw